It's always the quiet ones

From a Times leader about Pete Sampras:

“Laconic” is the eponym of the Lacedaemonians. Philip of Macedon wrote to them: “If I enter Sparta, I will level Sparta to the ground.” The ephors replied with a monosyllable: “If.” For a century Sparta ruled the world and defeated the chatterbox Athenians.

A Virulent Eruption of Paddyism

Salon has an article on Flann O'Brian as an antidote to the usual Patrick's Day whackery. Worth reading if only for this quote from one of his Irish Times columns:

If you are Irish, write and tell me about it. Write frankly, secure in the knowledge that no eye other than my eye will peruse your communication. Explain what it feels like to be Irish. State at what age you first realized you were an Irish person. When did you have your first fight? At what age did you make your first 'Irish' witticism? At what age did you become a drunkard? Please tell me all, because there can be no cure until the pathological background has been explored ... It is in your own interests to tell all. Remember that I too was Irish. Today I am cured. I am no longer Irish. I am merely a person. I cured myself after many years of suffering. I am sure I can help you if only you will have faith in me and write to me in confidence. Mark your envelope Irish in the top left hand corner.

Oscar Wilde loses duel with wallpaper

The Onion marks St Patrick's day with an Irish-Heritage Timeline.